“And the Rockets Red Glare”

by Jaryd Pavlo, Los Angeles Correspondent & Forum Manager

As I sat on the grass this July 4th staring up at the sky, my friend Sterling suggested that these fireworks displays were a horrible waste of money. It was then that I realized that we could enjoy our fireworks while putting them to great use: we should set them off over North Korea.

Yes, it’s far-fetched. But think of the pandemonium and confusion it would cause! I saw a picture of the night sky of North Korea and it revealed nothing but darkness, except for one speck of light where Kim Jong Il’s palace stands. We can light up the night sky with an amazing display of colors and confuse the North Korean military into thinking they are being bombed. This will be the second time the US military has messed with North Korean soldiers.

The first was our constant barrage of pro-democratic leaflets adorned with pictures of Kim Jong Il. The quandary the North Korean people find themselves in is the direct order to throw away anything from America and to cherish pictures of Kim Jong Il — so they didn’t know whether to burn their flyers or frame them over the fireplace. I suggest we use fireworks in the same way — to express patriotic and democratic ideals in a way that they cannot avoid.

Would this action cause war with North Korea? …probably. But we’re going there anyways. This funny and entertaining act will set things in motion, although in a manner that makes Kim Jong Il look ridiculous as his soldiers scurry to cover while a beacon of freedom shines overhead. Our amazing Marines will storm the beaches of North Korea and finish what our boys were prevented from doing in ’53. Since the armistice in 1953, we have sat around and let the North Koreans bluster and gloat, so lets press play and “bomb” their communist government back to the Stone Age where it belongs. Semper Fi and G-d Bless America.

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2 comments

  1. Steven Perlin · ·

    Looks like you’re out to cause trouble… but there isn’t anything wrong with that. Very clever idea. I never would have thought of that myself.

  2. You do realize that the North Koreans have the largest standing artillery force in the world, with most of their rockets pointed directly at Seoul? Add to this a series of disordered communication channels, and you’ve got the potential for a real (potentially nuclear) mess if any North Korean general thinks he is “under attack.” Just saying.

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