Chris Peña, Los Angeles Correspondent
With the holidays coming up, many of you are wondering….what dish can I make that will wow the family and beat out that old mother-in-law…right? Well I’m here with the answer! How about a nice dish of Communist Manifesto?!
Now, you may be thinking, “What makes this Manifesto any different from all the other Manifestos out there? I mean hell, I could just go buy some store bought Mein Kampf, no one would tell the difference!” But let me tell you, this Manifesto is infused with that one special ingredient, you got it….Communism!! Set out a plate of this deliciousness and the Libs in your heart eat it all up with a smile on their face!
1. Abolition of property in favor of “public use”
2. A heavy progressive tax
3. Abolition of rights of inheritence
4. Confiscation of property of all emigrants and rebels
5. Centralization of credit in the banks of the state
6. Centralize means of communication and transport
7. Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the state
8. Equal obligation of all to work
9. Combine agriculture with manufacturing industries
10. Free education of all children
11. Universal Healthcare
12. Mindless people-for substinence (preferably college students)
13. Politicians for seasoning.
Start off with a large bowl of mindless people, then one at a time add ingredients 1-10 SLOWLY. You must add them slowly, so that the people think everything is “happy, happy.” Continue to add ingredients and mix slowly. Once thouroughly mixed add politicians of your choice for seasoning. (I have generally found that Democrats give more flavor, however they add a pungent smell. However, lately both parties season nicely.) After all ingredients are mixed, pour in a large pan, elect an idiot President, sit back as your rights are stripped away, and let bake on high for 4 years.
Your family will either hate it or love it. Hopefully, love it. The Libs in your heart will be pleased! So sit back and enjoy the fruits of YOUR hard labor (well actually, they will be distributed equally among masses), and know that you too can make a dish Karl Marx himself would be proud of!!!