Graduating Editor-in-Chief’s thoughts on the UCSD Associated Students

By the way, for everyone who cries at AS about “gender neutral language,” you guys can suck it. – Alec

A transcript of my remarks can be found below.

***

Hello.

Thank you Mr. Thompson, I have never seen anyone filibuster AS as well as you do.

Just a heads up, I’m going to stand in front of the podium, because I’m not coming before you as a petitioner for alms, but as your equal.

By now almost all of you know who I am, often as a thorn in your side. Although I enjoy hanging out with some of you as individuals, most of you know that I view you, the Associated Students at large, as nothing more than petty bureaucrats, but that’s not quite correct. In fact, I view you as a nest of sycophants engaged in a massive circle jerk. In fact, I believe that a bunch of four your olds playing government do a better job than you. At least they don’t get paid and steal money from their constituents.

But what is worse than your ineptitude and incompetence is that you’re a gang of authoritarians & statists. This year alone you’ve sought to ban smoking, styrofoam and water bottles; and you would have tried to ban more stuff except your terms ran out and some of you are graduating.

Instead of wasting students lives and debating worthless propaganda resolutions about foreign policy, or writing up quizzes over who is most likely to wear their AS polo, how about you start censuring people and organizations that are directly responsible for the crisis we are in.

How about you censure the administration for increasing in size by 200% over the last ten years, comprising the highest payed positions at UCSD?

How about you censure Transportation and Parking Services for their lack of accountability and transparency?

How about you censure Housing, Dining, and Hospitality Services for ignoring what students want and instead limiting choice on campus, dramatically inflating prices, and for rent seeking?

You know why you won’t though? Because you’re spineless and because you think that the resolutions you pass and the bans you institute are going to lead you to the dystopia so many of you crave.

Finally, I’m terribly ashamed at how the UCSD AS continues to bend over backward to take it from the Administration regarding SunGod. You’ll never “uncage it” and the fact that you pat yourselves on the back about how “good” you’ve made SunGod is just pathetic. SunGod is not the festival of the AS, it’s the festival of the students. Thats why it should be free and campus wide. It is times like SunGod, when the students can finally let loose and act like a real college. As a good friend of mine once put it “fun first, booze second, and safety third.”

Whatever, I’ve had enough of ranting at all of you for the evening. I’m graduating, so congratulations (or my apologies) to those of you who remain on this campus, you won’t have to deal with me chastising you online whenever you do something stupid. However the staff of the California Review and the new editor are much more willing to play ball with you despots than I was at first.

I have more entertaining and enjoyable things to do with my life, so I’ll let you get back to having your asinine meeting.

Goodnight.

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7 comments

  1. Mostly awesome! Since I’m not in the loop, I’d be curious to know what exactly was meant by “the staff of the California Review and the new editor are much more willing to play ball with you despots than I was at first.” Was he alluding to something specific there?

  2. That means the new California Review wants to play baseball with AS! I’m so excited!

  3. Read the whole thing · ·

    But should’ve just read the first sentence and got the general idea. Oh well, I’ll get another 15 minutes to read a grown-up who knows the difference between censure and censorship someday. Dystopia indeed.

  4. I agree · ·

    We should censor HDH. Tear down those annoying posters!

  5. “That means the new California Review wants to play baseball with AS! I’m so excited!”

    So, not lingerie football, as I was hoping…

  6. Gabriella Hoffman · ·

    It means that our we at The California Review will be vigorous in exposing AS, liberal crap, and anti-Semitism next year. 🙂

  7. dorkface · ·

    you think you’re so cool huh? work on that lisp bruh.

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